Cringey post warning….
For a long time I’ve wanted to write something about this, because I know a lot of people think, feel or have had or are still going through the same or similar journey.
As a human being I have struggled with my self image. As a teenager I was surrounded by people who supported me, but also by people who disregarded me, or utilized me to make themselves feel [insert various adjective’s here].
Everyone is judged as a teenager, and so everyone attempts to reinvent themselves in their twenties. Cue sixty different hair styles and colours, twenty different wardrobe restyles and 10 personality transplants, oh and a few other negative life choices…
During my post-graduation twenties I finally decided that I needed to sort out my life – I’d had enough of being unhappy with my body, and part of my mental mission to achieve this was finding a sport or fitness activity that I would enjoy. But I got involved with a sport that although empowering to many women, inadvertently encouraged me to hate my own body even more – because it constantly failed to live up to the expectations that everyday is going to be a ‘good’ day. That the goal was to be slim and to look immaculate 24/7. I could do all the things performance wise, but felt judged constantly when doing them, I was uncomfortable and eventually quit.
As a human being, I sweat, I struggle, and I am not all about that ‘getting up an hour before I need to’ life, to live up to some ridiculous expectation of ‘beauty’.
Then whilst ending my relationship with one sport, I found a new one, which allowed me to see my body as powerful. Over time from that point to now, my mindset has switched. I have a much healthier relationship with my self image – I don’t wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, judge myself and spend an age figuring out how to make my face look publicly acceptable or pick an outfit the world thinks is appropriate. I wake up, have a shower, get dressed and eat breakfast and get on with my day.
I don’t sacrifice the foods or meals I enjoy because they might make me gain a few pounds. I focus on eating an enjoyable gluten-free (but not by choice) diet, and I don’t want to sacrifice that. Yes I meal prep, but every busy human being does (or should), it’s convenient and more cost effective.
I don’t strive for perfection or hate myself for not living my best life. I am all for building my body for my sport, as a tool, that’s my motivation:
I found balance.
I found my best self.
I found my happy place.
I found the me that I always was, but lacked the confidence to show.
I am my own motivation, I wanted to become the best version of myself, without losing me in the process. As confusing as that statement might sound, and you know what I learned?
I like me – I am an amazing, gifted, confident, vibrant and strong human being – and sometimes finding the ability to like yourself is half the battle – But where that battle can take you can also surprise you.
And a little bit of self care, self confidence and self love doesn’t have to make you arrogant, or a dick – just saying…