If you know me well, you’ll know I’m big on setting goals and generally winning at life, but you’ll also know I don’t set any goals with regard to relationships, and probably (if I really think about it) don’t place a great value on them, in fact I have actively avoided them – and by relationships I mean finding a S/O (Significant Other).
I think that comes from being in a really crappy relationship during my early twenties – I was made to feel weak, I lost who I was, and sacrificed my core values. I think this plays a lot into why I want to be strong, another post on that later! But I’ve also taken some time out (read years, not months) from ‘dating’ to figure out what I want to achieve in my life and how I want to be remembered.
In reality, I know that means they were an ass – but I think it was really valuable for me to find out who I am, live my life and place having a S/O to the bottom of my priority list. So for that, in a backwards kind of way I’m grateful, because I wouldn’t be who I am today had I not had that experience – I would much rather be on my own and the best version of myself than settle for something less than I deserve. I saw this quote on Pinterest the other day and I feel it describes my situation perfectly.
“It takes a strong person to remain single in a world that is accustomed to settling with anything just to say they have something”
I have a strong belief that a relationship shouldn’t mean you have to lose or sacrifice who you are/want to be, it should add value to your life, not remove from it. I think this is something that has been playing on my mind a lot recently, for various reasons.
I value myself too much to accept anything less than what I deserve, and there is a lot of power in knowing that – I think that many people forget that if you don’t value yourself, you won’t find others who value you in the same way. I am quite lucky that I am surrounded by strong, supportive people who know who they are, or are committed to their own self-discovery. It doesn’t make you arrogant to believe your worth, it makes you strong, it makes you powerful, and it makes you refuse to settle!
During the past few years I have done a lot on adapting my brain to believe that I am X, Y or Z (I’m now known for being a bit of a dick, because I encourage this in others) but it was mostly focused in the realm of my sport, but it’s also seeped into other areas of my life – and part of that is to action what I want to believe instead of floundering in the self doubts.
I am by no means a finished product, no one is perfect and everyone has their own struggles – but it does work – it’s sometimes easier to fall back into old habits, the negative thoughts and the fear, but when you embrace it and action it (in any aspect of your life), it’s a game changer, or at least it has been for me.
The power of saying something until you believe it works, and I think this time on my own has allowed me to truly figure that out. It doesn’t matter what my past story was or whether I believed it at the time – it does matter that I have worked so hard to realize that story is my past and it doesn’t have to be my future.
It’s also empowering to realize that you can do the time on this small green planet on your own – Anything I put my mind to I can accomplish, it doesn’t matter if I live alone with my Cat for the rest of my days – I’m not defined by that, I’m defined by the memories people have of me, I’m defined by my achievements in life and I’m defined by the energy I leave behind.
And I’m ok with that.